Apparently, Celtic are doomed. I know this because a website with more pop-ups than content “asked AI” to predict our season, and the result — shock, horror — was disaster. Never mind the scouts, the manager or the state of the opposition; a glorified autocomplete machine has spoken. Somewhere in a server farm, a line
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| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hearts | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 6 |
| 2 | Celtic | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 3 | 6 |
| 3 | Livingston | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 4 |
| 4 | Hibernian | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 4 |
| 5 | Kilmarnock | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 2 |
| 6 | Rangers | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 2 |
| 7 | Motherwell | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| 8 | Dundee United | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 5 | -1 | 1 |
| 9 | Dundee | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 1 |
| 10 | St Mirren | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | -1 | 1 |
| 11 | Falkirk | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 5 | -2 | 1 |
| 12 | Aberdeen | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 4 | -4 | 0 |
